I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize