I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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