i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love you. Go after that dick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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