Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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