No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
