I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
