a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
