i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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