i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
