we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
not ubering you a puppy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
