respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
