the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
