they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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