she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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