Whod you bang
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
