It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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