I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize