Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
