Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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