you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
