He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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