I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
