margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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