he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My breasts were aching with rage.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
