Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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