they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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