once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
