i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
