Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
from now on my penis is your penis
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
