: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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