You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
