Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
