I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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