I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
