my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
