watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
