My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
