We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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