Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
