i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
