i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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