omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
home. puking in laundry basket.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
