I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
