you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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