I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance