Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?