you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?