'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god