HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
