First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
