If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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