drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
