He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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