oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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