yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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