you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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