so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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