wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fuck appropriateness.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
