i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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