I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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