we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
