I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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