I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
