8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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