I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
