toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
