I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
farters have to be the big spoon...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
