she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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