even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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