This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
